Although I wish I could take credit for his great little nugget of wisdom, I must give credit to Chuck Gallozzi. Enjoy!

“Plant your garden of success today:


First, plant 3 rows of peas: 
Patience, 
Positive Thinking
, Persistence


Next, plant 3 rows of squash: Squash excuses
, Squash blame, 
Squash criticism


Then, plant 3 rows of lettuce: 

Let us be responsible, 
Let us be trustworthy 
Let us be ambitious


Finish, with 3 rows of turnip: Turn up when needed
, Turn up with a smile
, Turn up with confidence”

In a previous blog post, I challenged you to watch your thoughts. Today I offer you a similar but more specific challenge: watch your judgments. How quick we are to form opinions, criticize others and judge. I believe, however, more often than not, the judgment isn’t coming from a place of hatred, but rather a lack of understanding or education. By making snap judgments or unfounded criticisms we are devaluing and dehumanizing another. Often times we don’t know what experiences another has had that may be informing their current choices, style, perspective, ideas, thought processes, etc. When we take the time to understand another’s perspective, we are honoring and respecting their rights as an individual and as a human being.

Next time you find yourself judging another, I invite you to stop judging and get curious. Inquire about where they’re coming from. Ask what inspires them or motivates them to do/act/be a certain way. From that point you are free to choose to agree or disagree with their perspective, and most importantly you’ll be coming from a place of integrity and respect. Opening your eyes and heart to another will undoubtedly lead to a deeper connection and a mutual appreciation.

Do you ever find yourself wishing things were better, but nothing seems to change? Has a challenging situation ever left you feeling hopeless and helpless? Well, you’re not alone! Too often we find ourselves stuck in a rut, unable to make a lasting, positive change. So what’s getting in the way??

Blaming and complaining are the two easiest things to do when we don’t get the results we want. Placing blame on someone or something outside of ourselves is really just another way of making an excuse—a way of justifying why we didn’t perform. And the art of complaining is almost paradoxical: in order to complain, part of us must believe that something better exists, that something can change for the better! The reality is that the things we complain about are things that we have the ability to change—but have simply chosen not to. That’s right, there is always something you can do to change your current experience, no matter how big or small, and it is an active choice to remain unhappy and dissatisfied.

Next time you find yourself blaming or complaining, take a moment to think about what small actions you might take to improve your situation—even if it’s simply choosing to change your perspective. Blaming and complaining until your blue in the face will never bring you closer to what you really want. Make the choice to make a change.

One of the most pervasive challenges among teen girls is navigating friendships. As if dealing with cliques, frenemies and BFFs isn’t enough, the obsession with social networking sites like Facebook (FB), MySpace and Twitter has put the very concept of “friendship” up for debate. How is it that a girl with hundreds of friends on Facebook or followers on Twitter can feel utterly isolated and alone?

To have a friend on Facebook means to know what someone had for breakfast, which celebrity they just spotted or what YouTube video they love. To have a friend in reality means to know someone’s insecurities, what they are truly passionate about and what terrifies them more than anything. There is a major discrepancy here and it is skewing the entire social life of teens. Having hundreds of friends on a website is NOT equal to hundreds of friends in reality. Therefore it is crucial for girls to develop deep and meaningful connections face to face, one on one, in the real world. Friendship fulfills some of our most vital needs for support, empathy, understanding, compassion, appreciation, acceptance… the list goes on and on. Social websites will never be able to replace a hug, a high five or a smile.

If you are spending hours on the computer developing online friendships, consider channeling some of that energy into real world relationships. The depth of the connection may pleasantly surprise you and give you a true sense of fulfillment.

Let’s face it, confrontation is hard. No one likes to cause drama or call people out on their stuff. Teen girls in particular have an incredibly hard time engaging in face to face confrontation, and resort to all kinds of passive aggressive behavior to avoid it. Instead of dealing directly with the conflict, and the range of emotions that accompany it (anger, frustration, disappointment, etc) teen girls often find ways to simply mask their feelings. Here is a list of 10 ways girls INEFFECTIVELY mask their anger:
1. Internalize and suffer silently
2. Internalize until something seemingly small makes you explode
3. Externalize by having an “I don’t care what you think” attitude
4. Give the silent treatment
5. Laugh it off and pretend like it’s no big deal
6. Convince themselves what others have said is true:
“You can’t take a joke. You’re so uptight.”
“You’re overreacting. You’re too sensitive.”
“Haven’t you ever heard of sarcasm?”
7. Use drugs or alcohol to numb their feelings
8. Verbally fight
9. Physically fight
10. Send a nasty text/email/IM/Facebook post

Let’s encourage our girls to express themselves and MANAGE their feelings around conflict instead of MASKING them.

To all GLBT teens, family and friends- please watch this beautiful speech by Fort Worth City Councilman Joel Burns. He is an inspiration and reminds us to keep hope alive!

I find that we often underestimate the power of clarity. In fact, laser specific clarity can be downright terrifying when looking at certain areas of your life– do you want to get married, yes or no? What exactly do you want to do with your life? What are the qualities in a relationship you refuse to compromise??

From one angle, clarity can feel limiting. Why rule out the beauty of possibility by being so black and white? To a degree, this makes perfect sense.

From another perspective, it’s easy to see that without clarity, it’s incredibly difficult to create intentional forward momentum. In other words, if you don’t know what your aiming for, you’ll never hit the target. It’s important to get clear about what you want in order to get into action towards your goals, your dreams and your desires. When your actions are inspired by and aligned with a clear and specific goal, your momentum will build and bring racing towards the finish line faster than you imagined.

Sunday afternoon I had the great privilege of facilitating a Mother-Daughter Workshop. What a successful day! There are so many barriers between moms and daughters that keep them from communicating effectively. One of the greatest challenges is time: so often moms and daughters simply don’t have the time to sit down and speak openly from the heart. Sunday was a great opportunity to practice just that! Highlights of the day included:

-Practicing acknowledging and honoring one another

-Sharing thoughts and feelings

-Brainstorming and perspective shifting

-Identifying hot buttons and trigger issues

-Discovering solutions for everyday battles

-Creating a mother-daughter vision board

Overall, both moms and daughters walked away with a deeper understanding and respect for one another. Success!!

Albert Einstein said insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. So why is that when someone disappoints us over and over, we still hold out hope that the next time will be different? Friendships are one area we often neglect to adjust our level of expectation.

Through my own personal experiences, and those of my clients, I have come to learn that from the outside, adjusting a level of expectation can look like quitting. Somehow it feels like giving up or letting someone off the hook for something we want them to change.

In reality, however, adjusting expectations of people can be a great way to protect yourself from future disappointment. In order to feel at peace about the adjustment, though, we must re-frame the perspective from “giving up on someone” to “getting our needs met.” By releasing an expectation of someone who is not meeting a need over and over, we naturally free ourselves up to the opportunity for someone else to meet that need.

Who in your life is disappointing you time and again? Ask yourself if they are truly capable of meeting your level of expectation. If not, release them from the obligation and open yourself to fulfillment from others. Your friendship will be rid of damaging disappointment, and in the end you’ll find the support you needed all along from someone who is capable of providing it.

A few of my clients have been struggling with food, weight and body image lately. Their low self-esteem is largely tied to the extra pounds they’re carrying and how they feel about their bodies. Although each of their personal struggles  are different, I find myself saying the same thing over and over again: It’s not about the food. The food is simply there to fill a void. The void comes from a need that has not been met in other areas of life: need for support, love, guidance, understanding, empathy, success, security, etc. When the need is not being met and the void is gaping, naturally they find a way to fill it. Some people fill that void with drugs, some with alcohol, some with exercise and some with food. Instead of following the feelings that start to come up– sadness, frustration, anger, disappointment, fear, self-loathing– they stuff them down along with their food of choice. It’s easier to push the feelings down than to deal directly with what might come up. I encourage them, and anyone else reading this who might be struggling with food, to start looking within and asking, “what is the need that is not being met?” Once you’ve identified the need, it’s easier to identify when you are eating simply to fill the void.